Do I really have to make a joke here? I don’t think it’s necessary. I mean, have you seen this commercial? No joke necessary. Seriously. I’m going to take the high road on this one. I’m going to be the bigger man. 2 ½ lbs. bigger. I’m sure this commercial has already been a handful. A real load to bear. A real, warm load to bear. But, hey, no batteries required. There is one thing I’m skeptical about: only six minutes a day? Ladies, trust me on this one, the more time you put in, the better the results. But, seriously, I won’t make any penis jokes. JOKES. Any jokes.
It’s taken me a good long time to write this post, but resolutions are a big deal. I’m publicly declaring my flaws and shortcomings (some of them) and I’m detailing my plans to buff them out and measure up. I don’t think it’s necessary to wait until January 1 to start thinking about being a better person or about living a more fulfilled life, but according to a Marist poll taken in December now is the time that 48% of Americans adults start to rethink how they’re living. I’m taking some advice from Craig Ballantyne’s Turbulence Training blog. He recommends writing down three short-term and three long-term goals per category. I did my best, but I’m not making resolutions for the sake of having three for now and three for later. Some of these resolutions came straight from a Men’s Health list entitled 14 Resolutions that Make You a Better Man.
Health & Fitness
Short-Term Resolutions
I will eat better. I will do this by eating more fruits and veggies and by munching on more whole grains. I’m going to increase my number of meals from 3 or 4 medium-sized meals to 5 or 6 smaller meals per day, and I’m going to cut out carbs after 8 p.m. What else? Vitamin supplements (Go! Go! Gadget Gummies!) and lots of water.
I will to go to bed after Conan, not just because Jimmy Fallon sucks, but because sleep is very important. Let’s be honest, nothing happens late at night that you can’t watch/read/listen to/deal with/whatever in the morning.
I don’t drink often, but when I do I will cut down by one drink per session. According to Men’s Health I’ll save 150 calories (if I’m drinking beer) and up to $5 a night. I have plans for that 5-spot. “Ten fewer beers a month means a yearly 5 pounds off your gut and an extra $600 in your wallet.”
Long-Term Resolutions
I will get my 6-pack back. I listed this under my long-term goals because this is really about changing my lifestyle. I’ve got the muscle, I just need to get on the right diet to shed the rolls and rolls of blubber that are keeping me warm.
Once I get right physically, I will get my weight back up to 175-180 lbs. with a body fat percentage of 6% or less. I’m a little worried about living on the road away from the gym for so long, but I’ve put together a great bodyweight routine that’s based on the 300 Workout. I’m in pretty good shape and I think I can handle this workout 3 maybe 4 days a week.
Personal Growth & Interests
Short-Term Resolutions
I will update blog more frequently. My goal is 2 or more updates each week. It took me a while to get it updated on the regular, which is good and all, but the regular has a tendency to look something like an update every week and a half. How exactly am I going to do this?
I will to write something every day. I keep a running list of ideas on my computer that I’m constantly adding to. It’s a list of monologues, scenes, lyrics, beats, everything. The idea is to write down these ideas before I forget them and to develop them further when I get the chance. The problem is I rarely develop them. Now I have a list of 450+ ideas, all of which I thought were killer ideas at one time, but now I’m having trouble remember what I thought was so good about them to begin with.
I will practice Spanish. You lose it if you don’t use it.
Long-Term Resolutions
How long have I had a guitar? And how long have I been less than mediocre on it? Far too long. And for that matter, I’ve had a keyboard in my room for years that I still can’t play. Well that’s all about to change. I will learn to play them like I learned to play my sax.
I’ve never been a big reader, but I will read 50 books this year. This is ambitious for me, but I’ll be done before I know it. One book at a time.
I will travel abroad. I don’t know where or when or if I’ll be able to afford to this year, but I’m putting this out there into the universe. I will travel abroad.
Personal Finance
Short-Term Resolutions
I blow a lot of money on iTunes every month and that just has to stop. I will set myself a $30/month limit on mint.com. That should help me get my spending under control.
A while back I found a blog post about a $5 savings plan. It couldn’t be easier: stash away a Lincoln every time you get one, and take a trip to the bank every $50. I did it before, I can do it again.
Long-Term Resolutions
I will put $5,000 away in the bank. I can do this if I stick to the $5 savings plan and I deposit one weekly paycheck a month (assuming that I find good work after my tour). Watch me do this. Watch me.
Career, Education, & Training
Long-Term Resolutions
I’ve been meaning to get back into voice lessons for a while. I can afford them now that I’m working again. And, you know what? While I’m at it I’ll get some dance lessons too. I will learn to sing and dance like Timberlake and Usher.
I will audition more. I have all the resources I need, I just have to make my calendar.
Family & Relationships
Short-Term Resolutions
I will to call my family more often. I need to deal with the phone and just call them.
This is from Men’s Health: “Every great thing has it’s golden age. Often that age is right now. Live there, not in some glorious past you’re probably misremembering.” Ain’t that the truth? I won’t be alive forever. Time to start living here and now.
I will make more plans with my friends and family. They won’t be alive forever, either.
Long-Term Resolutions
I will learn more about my parents. Now that I’m older and I know that my parents are people too, I want to know more about them.
I will strengthen a number of relationships in my life. Again, the people around me won’t be around me forever.
My friend Dalto showed me a great app called Freestyle last night at the Wooorthington holiday party. It’s perfect for all you rhymers out there. I suggest you download the app with the quickness. It’s free now, but it won’t be free for long.
So let me break it down for you. Freestyle keeps a catalog of all your rhymes. You can create new ones, delete dumb ones, tweak the ones with promise, you know, the stuff you’d expect. But wait! There’s more! Ever get hung up of the edge of a really great line? Or maybe you’re looking to take your rhyme in a different direction? You can double tap a word and look up some rhymes. Need more? There’s a built-in rhyming dictionary with some really creative solutions. But the best part? The beats. That’s right. Freestyle comes with 13 high quality, fully produced beats that you can flow over while recording your entire session.
Freestyle is the newest addition to my iPhone and it’s on the fast track to becoming one of my all-time favorites.
I was sitting on the couch the other day watching The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien when my phone rang. It was a number I didn’t recognize, so I didn’t pick up. I silenced the ring and went back to laughing at Conan. “You should get that, it’s a New York number,” said Moy, “It might be important. It might be someone calling to offer you a job.” Then they’ll leave a message, right? They didn’t leave a message and I didn’t call them back.
I’m weird when it comes to the phone, I know this, but I need you to know this too, which is why I’m putting this out there in the universe so you can respect and understand me for who I am when it comes to the phone.
I don’t like talking on the phone. I used to think I had some strange phobia, but I’ve come to accept the fact that I just hate to do it. This aversion stems from my childhood when my mother would force me to talk on the phone without telling me who I was talking to. Seems silly, but one too many awkward phone conversations with nothing to say to relatives I didn’t remember has turned me off to talking on the phone with people in general.
If a number but not a name appears on my screen, I won’t pick up. I promise. If you meant to call me but you neglected to leave a message, I won’t call you back. I promise.
I’ll listen to your message if you leave one, but I probably won’t call you back. I honestly don’t know why. Yes, I know how pathetic that is, but it’s true.
If you call me AND the planets align AND karma’s on your side AND a name appears on my screen AND I pick up, I will subconsciously find a reason to get off the phone as quickly as possible. Please believe me it has nothing to do with you. It all stems back to those terrible childhood phone calls.
I won’t call you. I’m embarrassed to say that, but it’s true. It’s everything I can do to stay in touch with my family, and I drop that ball week after week after week.
So what do you do? How can we stay in touch with each other? Simple. Text me. I don’t miss texts the way I miss voicemail. My phone programmed to chime every five minutes when I receive a text. It also displays the text on the screen when I wake it up and automatically directs me to the text when I unlock it. My phone is always nearby and I have no qualms whatsoever with texting. I can also say with full confidence that, unless my phone or the network botches up, I will text you back.
I know this isn’t perfect but this is how I operate. I am trying to be better about remembering to check voicemail and making regular phone calls, but until I get there, text me. Or Facebook me. Or hit me up on Twitter. Or send me a link to your blog.
It’s official. I signed my TheatreWorks contract and I’m going on tour January 16! I’m playing the narrator, Gander, Uncle, and a smattering of other fun cameo characters in Charlotte’s Web. I’ve never done children’s theatre, but everyone tells me this is one of TheatreWorks most popular shows and that all the kids love it.
I’m moving out of my apartment so I don’t have to worry about dealing with a sub-leaser while I’m gone. There is a small chance that Ami, Dane, and Eric will move into the place, but that’s really up to the landlord, and he hasn’t mentioned anything to me or Moy about it. In the event that he doesn’t rent to them, I’ll have to move my stuff into storage. So today I’m going to clean up my room so that I have a better idea of what I should keep and what I should store. The plan is to cut my already meager collection of things in half. And then I guess I’ll pack half of what’s left for the tour and store the other somewhere in the city? I really have no idea how to pack for six months. Layers, basics, things you can mix and match, sure, but how often will I have access to a washing machine? Should I pack gym clothes? I really don’t know. If you’re reading this and you’re experienced in living out of a suitcase for extended periods of time, please offer up some advice. I need it.
I also have to find an affordable storage space. I’ll probably go back to American Self Storage in LIC. They’re in the middle of nowhere which makes it a pain to move in and out of there, but they hooked me up the last time I had to leave some things there, maybe they’ll cut me another deal.
