Since my audition last Friday, I’ve done almost nothing but prepare for my upcoming callback. I spend at least 12 hours a day working on this. Sometimes I’m up til 4:30 a.m. just to make sure I get my time in. Last night I went to bed early. At 3:30. I had to. My brain just stopped working. I’m burning out. Tonight my brain is reaching technical failure much earlier. And yet I keep working. It’s like I’m obsessed. I’m getting to the point where I can’t remember the lyrics or I can’t remember the lines, and yet I keep working.
Uncle Scar says be prepared, but I think I’ve gone off the deep end. I almost need to detox, you know, get Avenue Q out of my system. Besides, it’s not like I’m in the show, or that all the prep is going to guarantee that I get the role. By this point I’ve proven that I can do it, now it’s all about the rest of the “stuff” that needs to work out for me. I need to have the right look, or I need to be tall enough, or whatever. There’s so much that goes into casting a show that has absolutely nothing to do with an actor’s talent or an actor’s ability to play the part.
So is all of this prep for nothing? No way! There’s such a thing as being too prepared. I still don’t have a job, so, it passes the time. But am I driving myself out of my mind in the process? Yes. Yes I am. But that’s me. And I know that’s me. And I know that I need to do this so that I’ll feel prepared in the room. I still psyche myself out about auditions, so it’s good for me to know that I’ve done everything that I could do to give myself the best chance in the room. I can’t guarantee that this prep will land me Princeton or Gary Coleman or any role in the show for that matter, but I can guarantee that, because of this prep, I’ll know the fuck out of my sides and songs, and that’ll give me enough confidence to overcome my own audition fears.
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